


dave and terezi play street fighter

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 07:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>it is a wild rollercoaster ride of emotion</p>
            </blockquote>





	dave and terezi play street fighter

T: SO D4V3

T: 1T S33MS TH4T YOU W3R3 JUST B34T3N 4T STR33T F1GHT3R

T: COMPR3H3NS1V3LY 1 M1GHT 4DD

T: BY SOM3BODY WHO 1S BOTH 4. BL1ND 4ND B. 4 G1RL

T: TO B3 SP3C1F1C

T: M3

T: HOW DO3S TH4T M4K3 YOU F33L D4V3

T: 4R3 YOU 4LR1GHT

T: 4R3 YOU DO1NG OK4Y

T: 1 KNOW 1T MUST B3 H4RD FOR YOU

T: LOS1NG SO M4NY ROUNDS IN 4 ROW TO 4 BL1ND G1RL

T: 4ND 1 JUST W4NT YOU TO KNOW

T: 1F YOU N33D SOM3ON3 TO T4LK TO

T: 4 SHOULD3R TO CRY ON

T: 1M 4LW4YS H3R3 FOR YOU D4V3 WH3N YOU N33D M3

T: 1 KNOW YOU L1K3 TO PR3T3ND YOU DONT C4R3 BUT 3V3RYON3 N33DS TO L3T 1T 4LL OUT SOM3T1M3S D4V3

T: COM3 ON

T: 1TS OK4Y

T: YOU C4N T3LL YOUR 4UNT13 T3R3Z1 HOW YOU R34LLY F33L

D: ok first i dont know where you got this idea that im the kind of guy who cant handle losing to a girl even at a traditionally male pursuit like street fighter

D: i am like the crown prince of gender equality

D: or crown princess it completely doesnt matter to me

D: where did you get this idea that i am like this manhood obsessed tough guy who jealously hoards his masculinity like smaug the dragon all aslumber upon a pile of treasure ever watchful for the telltale tread of thieves

D: you are the tricksy hobbit in this scenario

T: WOW 3V3RYTH1NG YOU JUST S41D W4S SO 4M4Z1NGLY FR4UGHT W1TH SUBT3XT TH4T 1M NOT 3V3N SUR3 WH3R3 TO B3G1N

T: WHY 4R3NT 1 TH3 DR4GON

D: because then the whole metaphor would collapse

T: 1 DONT C4R3

T: 1 W4NT TO B3 TH3 DR4GON

D: ok fine you can be the dragon

D: what you cant be is dhalsim again

T: DH4LS1M 1SNT 3V3N TH4T GOOD

D: he is the bastard offspring of gandhi and mr fantastic

D: what about this situation smacks of not that good

D: he can kick you from halfway across the screen no other character can come even close to that its totally fucking unfair and they would never allow it in a real martial arts tournament

T: D4V3 D4V3 D4V3

T: H4V3 YOU TR1ED

T: BLOCK1NG?

D: it doesnt work

T: DO YOU 3V3N KNOW WH4T BUTTON THE BLOCK BUTTON 1S

D: it is like

D: uh

D: triangle  
T: D4V3

T: TH1S 1S 4N XBOX

T: TH3R3 1SNT 4 TR14NGL3 >:\

D: uh yeah terezi im just making fun of you of course i know exactly which button the block button is

T: YOU 4R3 TOT4LLY SUR3

D: without a doubt i have made that button my bitch

D: that button is fucking terrified of me

D: i keep that button on a leash like a dog and i make it sit up and do tricks

T: TH4TS 4PPROPR14T3 B3C4US3 1T W4S 4 TR1CK QU3ST1ON

T: TH3R3 1SNT 4 BUTTON

T: YOU H4V3 TO PULL B4CK ON TH3 CONTROL ST1CK

D: oh

D: by which i of course mean oh yeah no shit terezi thank you for pointing out that really obvious fact which only an idiot wouldnt have figured out all by his lonesome

D: (whew salvaged it)

T: D4V1D STR1D3R 1 4M BL1ND NOT D34F!!

T: 1N F4CT MY COND1T1ON H4S SH4RP3N3D MY S3NS3S TO SUCH 4 D3GR33 TH4T MY H34R1NG COULD B3 L1K3N3D TO TH4T OF 4 NOCTURN4L P1NGB34ST

T: SO DONT TH1NK YOU C4N G3T 4W4Y W1TH 4NY SN4RKY UND3R YOUR BR34TH 4S1D3S PR3SUM4BLY 1NT3ND3D TO B3 H34RD ONLY BY YOURS3LF 4ND TH3 1NV1SBL3 STUD1O 4UD1ENC3 YOU C4RRY 4ROUND W1TH YOU 4T 4LL T1M3S

D: okay ill let you have that one

D: what i wont let you have is a certain rubbermuscled bullshit guru

D: seriously i hear the word yoga one more time i will shit myself to death

D: also he breathes fire

D: what kind of fucking shit is that

D: oh man this guy is going to have arms and legs of magical ninja elastic to compliment his necklace of human fucking skulls

D: do you think thats lethal enough japanese game designer number one well hmm no actually i dont think thats lethal enough japanese game designer number two

D: he should also breathe fire

D: indians can do that right

D: capital idea japanese game designer number one well make you ceo of the whole company for this

D: at last my honour is restored now i can finally marry sakura under the cherry blossom tree like she always wanted

D: okay im kind of getting interested in these guys do you have a pen and paper handy

T: TH1S 1S 4N OBV1OUS PLOY TO G3T OUT OF PL4Y1NG 4NOTH3R ROUND W1TH M3 4ND H4V1NG YOUR HUM4N 4SS H4ND3D TO YOU Y3T 4G41N

T: 1 4PPLU4D YOUR 1NG3NU1TY 

T: HOW3V3R 1 4M S1CK3N3D BY YOUR COW4RD1C3

D: well maybe i just dont want to play this game any more

D: maybe i think its stupid and broken and not worth alchemizing this xbox for in the first place

T: 1 KNOW TH4T YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO K33P ON PL4Y1NG TH1S G4M3 W1TH M3 D4V3

T: YOU S33

T: 4 R34L M4N N3V3R RUNS FROM 4 F1GHT

D: its not a fair fight

T: WH4T F1GHT 1S?

D: damn it

D: that was some grade a motherfucking philosophy you just dropped on my ass

D: socrates himself would have given you a grandfatherly pat on the back

D: ernest hemingway a silent nod of respect

D: i have that weird fluttering feeling you get in your stomach when you know you just learnt a life lesson

T: >:D

T: SO WHO 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO B3

D: i dunno

D: who are you going to be

T: M4K1NG M3 CHOOS3 F1RST SO 4S TO 3K3 OUT TH3 STRAT3G1C 4DV4NT4GE

T: SN34KY

T: 1 L1K3 1T!

T: NORM4LLY 1 WOULD C4LL BULLSH1T BUT 1N TH1S C4S3 1 TH1NK TH4T YOU 4R3 GO1NG N33D 4LL TH3 H3LP YOU C4N G3T

D: just make up your mind pyrope

T: 1 TH1NK TH4T 1 W1LL B3

T: TH1S GUY

D: nope

D: vetoing that one

T: WH4T NO W4Y

T: WH4TS WRONG W1TH V3G4?

D: he has actual literal claws is whats wrong with vega

D: how do you fight a guy with swords tied to his arms what kind of bullshit kung fu tournament even is this

D: why not just bring a gun

T: F1N3

T: TH3N 1 W1LL B3

T: TH1S GUY!

D: sorry nope

T: D4V3 YOU R34L1ZE TH4T 4 V3TO 1S NOT 4 R34L TH1NG YOU C4N DO 1N TH1S G4M3 R1GHT

D: listen you cant be sagat it is against all the laws of god and man

T: 4W POOR D4V3

T: 4R3 YOU SC4R3D OF M34N OLD S4G4T?

D: of course im scared of him the man can kick so hard that fire comes out

D: it would be totally irrational not to feel a paralyzing fear under such circumstances

D: a circumvention of the most basic survival instincts

T: 4LR1GHT 1N R3SP3CT TO YOUR D3L1C4T3 S3NS1B1L1T13S 1 W1LL SLOWLY B4CK 4W4Y FROM S4G4T

T: 4ND 1NST34D CHOOS3

T: TH1S GUY R1GHT H3R3

D: hmm

D: el fuerte

D: thats the hilarious mexican wrestling guy right

T: 1 DONT KNOW WH4T M3X1C4N 1S BUT Y3S

D: so basically a joke character is what im getting

D: yeah

D: yeah i think im okay with that

D: and i will be

D: this person

T: NOP3

T: V3TO1NG H1M

D: what the actual fuck terezi

D: you didnt even look

T: F1RST OFF D4V3 TH4T 1S H1GHLY D1SR3SP3CTFUL YOU 4R3 W3LL 4W4R3 TH4T 1 4M BL1ND

T: S3COND 1F YOU C4N V3TO 1 C4N V3TO

D: but you

D: you didnt even sniff or you would have known that i chose a girl

T: YOUR3 V3RY PROUD OF YOUR D3T3CT1V3 SK1LLS AR3NT YOU D4V3

T: BUT 1T 1S 4 M4TT3R OF SUBL1M3 1ND1FF3R3NC3 TO M3

T: CHOOS3 4NOTH3R ON3

D: holy shit cant i just

T: NO

D: but

T: TH3 V3RD1CT H4S B33N D3L1V3R3D 4ND 1T 1S F1N4L

D: jesus christ terezi you cant just go about laying down the law like a sexy judge dredd

D: uh

D: i mean

T: D4V3 1 4M 1NTR1GU3D BY WH4T YOU H4V3 JUST S41D 4ND WOULD L1KE TO 1NV3ST1G4T3 1T FURTH3R

D: oh boy

T: TH1S HUM4N 4DJ3CT1V3 “S3XY” WH1CH YOU H4V3 JUST US3D TO R3F3R TO M3

T: 1 DONT B3L13V3 1 4M F4M1L14R W1TH 1T

T: WOULD YOU C4R3 TO 3XPL41N WH4T 1T M34NS

T: 4LSO TH3 CONC3PT OF “JUDG3 DR3DD” D3M4NDS FURTH3R 3L4BOR4T1ON

D: well okay

D: judge dredd is like this postapocalyptic fascist policeman who hunts down crime and says that he is the law

D: sylvester stallone is involved somehow

D: i think they might be archenemies

D: theres a movie we should check it out i think youd probably like it lets go do that now

T: 1NT3R3ST1NG

T: WH4T 4BOUT TH3 4DJ3CT1V3

D: what adjective

T: TH3 “S3XY” 4DJ3CT1V3

T: WH1CH YOU 4PPL13D TO MY P3RSON NOT MOM3NTS 4GO

D: oh that adjective

D: i dunno its not even that interesting

T: 1 4M 4LW4YS 1NT3R3ST3D 1N BRO4D3N1NG MY HUM4N VOC4BUL4RY D4V3

D: it just means like uh

D: uhh

D: hmmm

D: whiny and obnoxious

D: yeah thats what it means

T: 1 S33

T: SO 1N R3T4L14T1ON FOR YOUR M4NY HUM1L14T1NG D3F34TS YOU H4V3 D3C1D3D TO T3LL 4 D1S4BL3D WOM4N TO H3R F3C4 TH4T SH3 1S WH1NY 4ND OBNOX1OUS

D: well

D: you are

T: NOT TH3 PO1NT

T: D4V3 1 4M G3NU1N3LY D1SGUST3D TH4T YOU WOULD STOOP SO LOW

D: you know if you play the blind card any harder youre going to take out someones eye with it

T: 1 C4NNOT B3L13V3 YOU S41D TH4T

T: 4CTU4LLY 1 C4NT B3L13V3 4NYON3 WOULD S4Y TH4T 3V3R

T: WOULD YOU L1K3 SOM3 P41NK1LL3RS D4V3

D: what

T: B3C4US3 YOUR3 SUCH 4 SOR3 LOS3R!

T: 4LSO B3C4US3 TH3 BURN 1 JUST G4V3 YOU MUST B3 4GON1Z1NG

D: okay terezi maybe you should leave the jokes to me in future

D: youre obviously not getting the hang of this whole comedy thing and frankly its embarrassing to watch

T: Y34H W3LL YOU KNOW WH4T YOU 4R3 D4V3?

T: YOUR3 S3XY!

D: i

D: wait

D: what

T: WH1NY 4ND OBNOX1OUS

T: M4YB3 1F YOU W3R3NT SO WOUND UP 4LL TH3 T1M3 YOU WOULDNT L3T 4 L1TTL3 TH1NG L1KE 4 V1D3O G4M3 RU1N YOUR WHOL3 D4Y

T: BUT 1NST34D YOU H4V3 TO THROW 4 F1T 4ND M4K3 1T 1NTO TH1S WHOL3 M4SS1V3 S3LF-C3NTR3D DR4M4

D: okay i dont even know if were being ironic any more

T: STOP PR3T3ND1NG YOU DONT CARE FOR JUST ON3 S3COND

D: terezi you know me

D: not caring about things is like the only thing i care about

D: dave strider walking paradox

T: UGH

T: SOM3T1M3S 1 C4NNOT B3L13V3 YOU 3X1ST

D: thats cool sometimes i cant either

D: all waking up in the middle of the night uncertain of my own status visa vis reality

D: shouldnt i have fucked up linearity somewhere along the line and paradox cancelled out my own existence

D: theres already at least one impossible version of me running around somewhere in the infinite cosmos

D: whose to say how more more extraneous daves there are drifting around in the void

D: what if

D: and this is the big existential crisis

D: what if one of them is cooler than me

D: and then i snap the fuck out of it and realize thats impossible im already at the theoretical maximum

T: W4S TH4T S1NC3R1TY

T: D4V3 1M SO CONFUS3D R1GHT NOW

D: yeah thats how i feel basically all the time welcome to planet dave

D: population one million

D: its you and nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred ninety nine daves

T: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 4 L1V1NG N1GHTM4R3

D: it pretty much is yeah

D: you can always get a good game of street fighter going though

T: 1 DONT F33L L1K3 PL4Y1NG 4NY MOR3

D: no come on dont be like that

T: NO 1V3 H4D 3NOUGH 4LL OF 4 SUDD3N

T: M4YB3 SOM3 OTH3R T1M3

T: 1 TH1NK 1M GO1NG TO T4K3 4 N4P

D: listen terezi

D: just cause you know ill win thats no reason to give up on the game

T: ...

T: 4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4

D: well that laugh came out of nowhere like a runaway train

T: OH D4V3

T: YOU 4R3 4DOR4BL3 4ND 1NFUR14T1NG 1N EQU4L M34SUR3

T: M4YB3 TH4TS HOW 1T WORKS

T: M4YB3 1F YOU W3R3 L3SS 1NFUR14TING

T: YOU WOULD 4LSO B3 L3SS 4DOR4BL3?

D: do you want to stop pinching my cheek though

D: it actually hurts

D: like

D: i know you think youre being playful

D: but your fingernails are really sharp and you have a grip like a lobsters claw

D: all things considered its actually very painful

D: so if you could see your way to stopping maybe

T: N3V3R

D: ow

T: D4V3 1 W1LL PL4Y STR33T F1GHT3R W1TH YOU

T: ON ON3 COND1T1ON

T: TWO!

T: TH3 F1RST

T: WH1CH 1 THOUGHT OF S3COND

T: 1S TH4T 1 G3T TO PL4Y 4NY CH4R4CT3R 1 W4NT

T: TH3 S3COND

T: WH1CH 1 THOUGHT OF F1RST

T: 1S TH4T 1F 1 W1N

T: YOU H4V3 TO T3LL M3 WH4T S3XY R34LLY M34NS

T: 1 4M 4 TR41N3D L3G1SL4C3R4TOR D4V3 DO YOU TH1NK 1 DONT KNOW WH3N 1M B31NG L13D TO

D: that doesnt sound fair

D: what are you going to do if i win

T: WOULDNT YOU L1K3 TO KNOW >;]

D: i

D: ah

D: ...

D: bring it

T: BR1NG 1T 1ND33D

T: T3LL M3 1F YOU 4R3 GO1NG TO CRY 4NY MOR3 OF TH3 D3L1C1OUS HUM4N T34RS

T: 1 W4NT TO TRY M4K1NG 4 T34R POPS1CL3

D: tell me if youre ever going to stop being super creepy

T: N3V3R 3V3R 3V3R 1N 4 M1LL1ON Y34RS

T: F1GHT M3

D: you dont even have a chance pyrope

D: bring it on


End file.
